Thursday, July 16, 2015

Angry Mom

It was the end-of-Camp performance last night and, in the audience, I smiled and wept (as usual) watching my progeny perform onstage in the midst of 300 other children.

On the way home, in the car, Smiles said, apropos of nothing "you are always angry Mommy." 

In my mind, I am always worried
I fuss too much
I'm scared
Maybe (maybe) I want my own way too often  . . .

but angry?

Already weepy, it made me cry again.

Smiles has been going through a phase of ignoring me when I say "no" to something and just doing it anyway, and, about a year ago I said I would try to never yell at him and his sister (can't  do it: sometimes you need to yell, like when they are in the middle of the street and an SUV is coming, or when they are trying to help you cook and refuse to hear that you said "no" when they asked about sticking their face over the pot of boiling water).

Also, Smiles and Voice have taken to smacking each other with my pillow when they are angry, often causing injury.

So, there has been yelling.  Theirs and mine.

It hasn't seemed immoderate to me.

Is this how Smiles will remember his childhood?  "Mom was always angry, but Dad had an iPad"?


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